Though I am certain there have been multiple moments of divine intervention, the most notable one I foresee at play is the one I experienced today. My mind, body, and mostly my soul have been screaming for me to slow down. Cruella-- the crazy lady that resides in my head-- is in full swing in my head, constantly yapping away. And somehow since i've been numbing myself from feeling, my body is in sheer revolt and has asked decided it is going to break down. My right wrist is saying a huge "fuck you" Genevieve for not taking care of me, my period hasn't come in nearly two months, and no that's not because i'm pregos, then there's the fact that in the last 8 months I've gotten sick three times. But today I decided that after hearing I am going to another project that I would take a week off of work. With that said, I am really hoping for three things: 1) take time off so that I can focus on rejuvenation 2) focus on finding and expressing my creativity 3) finding a place of confidence again to do things right. You will get to there eventually G. You have to believe in yourself. I don't know why it's so damn hard for me to believe in myself. May be having an addition to believing in this thought is a way for me to cope with other issues. May be it's a way for me to just forget everything that is...
When will it end G? When will it end where you do not go chasing after another project or another lofty goal? When will you be okay with where you are instead of chasing the next big thing? There's this pattern in which you torture yourself with the eternal question of: Did I make the right decision? And the only response I have to give is that, yes, I did and I am in fact making the right choices every day. Each day I wake up, I make a choice to show up, even if it's at bare minimum, I show up. I also make the decision to try. I haven't given up entirely. Today I decided to stop working, I decided to be real, I decided to be authentic and just go with what I think is right. And with that, I am making better decisions.
Perhaps you are making small mistakes here and there, but damnit Genevieve, you're learning. And for what it's worth, you're learning because you're trying. Though you're in a pretty tight spot, it could do you some good to just relax. Open and flourish. Let SF come into your life.