Tomorrow I move into my apartment. I move back to New York on my own terms. Not with golden handcuffs, but as I dreamed years ago when I was a little girl. I used to imagine myself on stage singing my heart out singing Eponine in Les Mis or Kim in Miss Saigon or dressing the world as a costume designer. These dreams evolved with hope and heartbreak. After the divorce, I just didn’t have the energy to believe. But now, 10 years later, I can feel my heart nearly healed and getting stronger each day.
A year and change living out of a suitcase, I cannot wait to sleep in my own bed-- the bed that I prepared with my own two hands, of the sheets that I washed in my own home, with the detergent of my choosing, with the softest sheets that ever were woven and of pillows that I hand selected for my head to rest, of a down feathered comforter that cocoons my entire body as I dream.
The kitchen. I will build a spice rack to hold all the flavors dear in my heart, fill my refrigerator with plants to nourish me, pantries filled with grains and pasta to keep me satisfied. The back left stove burner will remain reserved for my dear Bialetti-- to make the first coffee of the day. On the way home, I will pick up flowers that remind me that all the beauty in the world fades and eventually dies, but until it does, smile and enjoy the presence of a living miracle.
A ceremony to bless the space and prepare it for all who will visit and find it as a place of respite. Unpack the candles, the cross my mother gave me, the palo santo, myrrh, frankincense and set up an altar for meditation and prayer.
What excites me the most is knowing all the friends and visitors that will be coming through this space. It’s where I will cook my first New York Thanksgiving, where I will host my first Supper Sundays in New York, where I will host my first exhibit.
Portraits upon portraits will be taken, memories upon memories will be imprinted and conversations upon conversations will reveal. A magic box will be present and available for all who enter. The balcony will be a place in which one can experience the magic of smoke and sky all at once.
This is happening. Thank you Dad for making it possible.