Grandmother

As Hyun Jin tried to fall asleep he could hear his brother and sister-in-law arguing. His sister-in-law was hitting her drunken husband, cursing at him,“How could you? What did you think that I would not find out? You worthless son-of-a-bitch. Have you no pride for how you watch for your family? Instead, all you do is drink away what little your family has. What is there for us now? When the war ends, how are we going to find a house? You have sucked almost all the last of our valuables. We have nothing left. And what’s more, how can I feed our children? With what? You make it impossible for me to respect you.”

“Calm down wife. Your voice is getting too loud. You will wake up Mother.”

“Good riddance if I wake up mother. In fact, I hope she does wake up and beats you. You wretched son-of-a”

“What is this noise?” enters Mother. “How dare you wake up the entire group for your petty marital quarrels. Have you no sense of self-respect? Ji-hyun, how can a lady be yelling at her husband at this hour of night?”

“Mother-in-law, please forgive me, but your son has done something unforgivable.”

“What do you expect? He is a man. Of course he is going to have wandering hands and eyes.”

“No, Mother-in-law. Worse than that. He has sold my wedding ring in exchange for a night of drinking and gambling. Can you not see your son is drunk again? I do not know how we are going to feed the children. We were supposed to sell that ring once we got to Choong-joo in the morning. How will my children eat? How will any of us eat?”

“Enough Ji-hyun. Leave us,” Mother says eerily calmly to her distraught daughter-in-law. The two women know why Ji-hyun has been asked to leave. No matter how wrong her son had been, she would never scold her son in front of her daughter-in-law. Once her daughter-in-law’s shadow leaves the tent, she turns to her son and kneels down in silence. She has little strength to torment her son the way her husband would have, the way she would have 5 years ago, before her father’s death. Now she only has grief in her heart. A grief of having lost her anchor. Her husband had been the steel of the family. Though he was a quiet man of few words, he was good to her and the children, always making sure that they were all provided for. He had even managed to marry off his daughter to her ambitious son-in-law from a Seoul family. What an accomplishment. And her other two daughters were married respectably. One to a high school teacher and another to a Presbyterian minister. Indeed he had done a good job. But the one thing he had failed to do is help her raise her son Hyun Jin. She knew her son Hyuk-Jin was hopeless, as she sat in front of his glazed sweating body. It was Hyun Jin whom she had hoped would redeem the family to greater heights.

“You bastard. I am ashamed to call you son. How dare you think nothing but of yourself. This will be the last time I smell your drunken stupidity, the last time I hear of your idiotic wastefulness, the last time I ever come to your rescue from your wife’s wrath. Nothing can be more pitiful than a father who cannot provide for his children. You’re no better than animal shit.” With that, she stood up, and left the tent. Hyun Jin could feel his face reddening.

The next morning the sky hovered over the sun particularly long, not allowing the grey clouds to move with the wind. The sky deceived everyone in thinking that it was okay to sleep in, but Hyun Jin knew it was time to get up. His internal clock would get him up to go to the bathroom. He walked outside the tent, put on his slippers and looked up at the sky, noting that he could not see the sky. In fact it was hard to see the other tents. He walked with trepidation toward the nearest tree in front of him. He walked around the tree several times, making sure that there was no one nearby. Trusting in the protection of the fog, he picked up a stick nearby and began digging a hole in the ground. The hole would suffice. He looked around the tree and found a few leaves. He grabbed what he could, then lowered his pants and squat. Though his stomach hurt, nothing would come out. He pushed again. Nothing. A crow screeched and flew out of the tree, startling Hyun Jin. He quickly rolled up his pants embarrassed someone would find him.

Finding it too quiet, Hyun Jin enters his brother’s tent. The tent smells of sweat and alcohol. His brother is still wearing his clothes from the night before, including his hat [beanie?]. Then he recalls from last night the stringent words with which his mother had told his brother— “You’re no better than animal shit.” Hyun Jin had almost forgotten what his father’s face looked like except when he saw his brother laugh. There were facial expressions that his brother and father shared. But now, as his brother lay on the floor, with his hat still on, and his mouth gaping wide open, he could not see his father.